OMG, U GUYS!

Pardon the valley girl open to this piece.

I guess it's a holdover from our enjoyable evening last night watching a performance of "Legally Blonde."

But after a quick glance at this morning's headlines, nothing less than Elle Woods' (the play's heroine) signature exclamation of "Oh, my God, you guys" came readily to our lips.

No wonder the newspapers are going out of business. The fright each morning's front page brings to America is just too much to bear before at least two cups of coffee.

The instigator of this morning's latest scare came in the form of trumpeted announcements that the Fed will begin buying up to $300 billion in long-term Treasuries to try another round of jump-starting the economy.

This isn't the first time that the Fed has tried this to influence long-term interest rates. During the 60s, The Fed tried the same tactic under the code name of "Operation Twist."

It didn't work then and it won't work this time. (We guess Mr. Bernanke missed that day in business school.)

Here's what these latest pronouncements mean to you … and it's not pretty.

Buying up to $300 billion in long-term Treasuries

This will bring down long-term interest rates, unless bond traders get sulky. But as to whether this move to lower rates for borrowers will spur the desire for consumers to go out and buy new homes and big ticket items … well, fuggedaboutit!

As long as housing prices remain well above the historic norm and we continue to shed jobs faster than a snake sheds its skin, consumers will NOT feel confident enough to return to their profligate spending ways.

Possibly expanding lending to student loans, car loans, etc.

Hello! If people aren't spending on housing and large items, and the number of consumers starting to default on their car loans as well is growing daily, this too will fail.

Even if this thrust by the Fed does create interest on the part of some consumers to go for a loan, battered balance sheets will preclude any borrowing for many people. The financially-impaired banks will continue to command some collateral and high credit scores from consumers before they will lend.

One thing we can guarantee …

What we can guarantee WILL occur, due to this latest panicked move by Washington, became apparent yesterday a mere minute or two after the Fed made its announcement … higher gold prices and a weaker dollar.

The Fed continues to print paper BACKED BY NOTHING. Unless this current attempt works in short order, the Fed will be forced to try this again and again and again.

Without an immediate positive effect, all these shenanigans will reduce the dollar to the status of wallpaper, make gold's ascent to $2,000 an ounce a slam dunk, and seriously hinder our ability to foist this worthless paper on China and the rest of the world currently financing our foolishness.

It's more important than ever to be smart with your money. Check out these resources:

• 7 Ways to Protect Your Money
• Recession-Proof Your Life
• Our Investor Guide