We've known aging parents who have their affairs in order and feel perfectly comfortable telling their children, and even their grandchildren, all about it. Good for them! It makes it easier for everybody.

We have a friend whose grandfather had a plan mapped out to disinherit his profligate-spending son-in-law, our friend's father, and the grandfather told the whole family about it a decade before he died. The revelation created a lot of family disharmony, but at least there were no deathbed or post-deathbed surprises!

Most people, however, aren't that open. Having the big money talk with your parents is something you must do (see Talking Money with Your Aging Parents), but that doesn't make it easy. For most families "money," "old age," and "wills and trusts" are among the toughest subjects you might try to broach. Our parents (like most of us) were raised not to talk about their money.

In addition, some parents still look at their 30-, 40-, 50-, and even 60-year-old children as "kids," and can't imagine having a weighty discussion about money matters with someone who is "just a kid."

You'll need to build a bond of "money trust" between you and your parents before they'll feel comfortable having you know everything about their finances. And if your parents, like most, fit into the difficult-to-talk-to category, you will have to employ some high-level diplomacy.

We've got some ways to help you do that. For starters, we recommend your discussions focus around three main objectives:

• to maximize your parents' available cash
• to protect the assets they have amassed over many hard years of work
• to maintain their independence (very important to older Americans.)

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