We're all in agreement that there should be no money secrets in a good relationship. If you've suddenly found yourself with an abusive spouse, that's a different story; you don't want this partner to have access to your money. But in a good relationship, both parties should know what's coming in and what's going out. Because if you're spending money without the knowledge of your partner, you're creating a veil of secrecy. It's a form of cheating on your spouse, engaging in clandestine purchases or investments.

Are you with each other or not? If you're going to have a relationship in which you communicate well with each other, you're going to have to be open about where your money goes.

Consequently, we think it is imperative that there be a general household account, with both parties as signatories. The household bills, including your personal expenditures, should go through this account. Otherwise how do you know your partner isn't overspending and killing your plan for success?

Below are some checklists we've developed to help you manage the money that is "yours, mine and ours" before and after you move in together. It doesn't sound very romantic, but take our word: Money matters can make or break your romance. Money really does matter. And if you are a partner in the more than five million couples living together unmarried, a frank discussion of finances is even more important.

Checklist #1: Before You Start Living Together

• Talk about money and be honest about your assets and liabilities, income and outflow. You may want to forget your past relationships and make a fresh start, but your relationship with money will follow you forever.
• Sit down together and add up your individual debts. Come up with a plan to pay them off as soon as possible.
• Decide how you are going to keep your bank accounts—joint or separate. If you decide to keep separate accounts, open a joint one for your household expenses.
• Plan your joint money goals and how you are going to reach them together.

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