If you are half of a couple, you probably won't be surprised to learn that money is the number one reason that couples split up. We've had countless calls since we've been on the air from people who fight with their partners about money, even if they went into the relationship thinking they saw eye-to-eye on financial matters.

A trivial argument over one partner wanting to spend money on something that isn't quite as important to the other partner can escalate into a major battle over the values you each hold dear. Before you know it, you are pointing fingers at each other over career choices, matters of taste ("Why would you spend all that money on that hideous chair?"), and how you're bringing up your children.

We've seen it and heard it all. A member of our family, who shall remain nameless for the sake of peace at our family Thanksgiving table, bought a 40-foot boat without discussing it with his wife, who had an inordinate fear of water. Their marriage never recovered from this one impulsive purchase—granted, an extravagant one, made even more expensive by the fact that he never learned how to pilot the boat; to use it, he had to hire members of the Coast Guard on their days off! Though he finally sold the boat, they were divorced a few years later. Moral: Spend money unwisely and your partner might not forgive you.

Why do couples suffer from Marital Money Discord (MMD), as we call it? Think of it: Money is at the root of every decision you make together, starting with your first date. Did you go to McDonald's or Le Cirque? It was all determined by money. If you're committed to spending your lives together, you've got to respect each other's money needs. 

Money Secrets = Relationship Secrets

From the first day we went on the air, we've had people calling asking about the merits of keeping finances separate in a relationship versus handling all of the money jointly. Our good friend Olivia Mellan, a psychologist who specializes in counseling couples about money issues, always tells our listeners that a woman should have some money and a credit card that she keeps in her own name. Women generally outlive their husbands, she points out, and need to be prepared to take care of themselves if disaster should strike. (Check out her web site at www.moneyharmony.com.)

We think this is sound advice. And if you're the non-breadwinner in a couple, whether you're a man or a woman, you should have an account and a credit card in your name just in case something you never wanted to think would happen happens. But . . .

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