It's also important that you invest only in things that the two of you understand and are comfortable with. Because inevitably what happens is the partner charged with handling the money side of the relationship does all of these things, the other partner is in the dark, and in the case of an emergency, they know nothing. Generally it's the wife left holding the financial bag since statistically wives outlive their partners. A wife who lets her husband take care of all the money can fall victim to all sorts of scams, bad advice, and opportunists from the financial services business when he's no longer around.

Ken and I are continually amazed at the number of people (well, okay, it's mostly wives) who don't know how to write checks. We had a next-door neighbor when we lived in Sarasota, Florida, a woman in her sixties, whose husband unexpectedly died. She came over and said, "I need some help." Turned out that she had never so much as written a check! As I said, the fact that one person pays the bills doesn't mean the other shouldn't know what's going on.

If you sit down together every month and evaluate where you are and where you're going, then you both know how you're doing in terms of spending and saving money. If you both understand the types of investments you've made, you know which could be liquidated immediately in case of an emergency. And it also forces you to sit down and talk about the people in your lives, financial and personal, who could be trusted in an emergency.

Ken Answers to the CFO
If one party in a couple is really guilty of spending frivolously, you should decide right now that the stronger manager is going to be in charge of finances. As discussed above, for us that is most definitely Daria. She's the chief financial officer (CFO) of Dolan Family, Inc.

When our daughter, Meredith, was growing up, no one made a big purchase without authorization from Daria, and I still discuss major expenditures with her—except, of course, around our anniversary, her birthday, and Christmas. Gifts are always allowed. If there's one lesson we all learn from tragedy, it's that life is short and we should be appreciative of the people we love. Just keep gifts within your budget.

With a profligate spender in the family, you should definitely put most of both paychecks in a joint bank account, so that the spender has to answer to the CFO.

Could I do what Daria does as well as Daria? Maybe. Could I learn to do it? Yes. Do I have enough knowledge to step in if we had an emergency? Yes, I do. I don't want to do it, but I certainly know where the checkbook is, and what bills come in every month that need to be paid.

If you're part of a couple, I recommend that, right now, you stop here and make sure each of you knows where the checkbook is kept and where the bills are!

If you want to get smarter about everything money, here's what we want you to do: Sign up for our FREE e-mail tip-letter Your Money Matters with Ken & Daria Dolan. It's loaded with advice to make your life simpler and more rewarding - and it's FREE. Click here!

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